Bloom

Do you ever have a moment where you hear a song, and it transports you to a certain time of your life?

I was creating my cottagecore playlist for the spring and summer, and I came across Bloom by Paper Kites. I love that song, and funny enough, it’s a song that reminds me of a specific moment in my life. When I first heard the song, I was perhaps a senior in high school. It was on Tumblr, a place where I reimagined myself over and over again. I was grateful for everything I had, but I wasn’t always happy at home. I would honestly imagine myself in other places and envision a future that I wanted. It was a place where I could find my aesthetics or my inspirations, but it was also a commonplace of torment. I saw pictures that I wish I took and lived the same life as the photos. Of course, that’s not always true, but living life a certain way or aesthetic is what I wanted. When Bloom by Paper Kites came on, it was like my soundtrack to how I would imagine myself on my own in the future, a little cottagecore fantasy.

I most recently discovered Vashti Bunyan. I stumbled upon her record, Just Another Diamond Day. You know why I chose to even click the album; it was the cover. I loved the cover from afar. I thought it was an actual picture but then realized the animals were paintings. I just loved it, and the first song that played was the title of the record. I thought I heard the song before and did a quick google search because I also wanted to know who she was. The song was featured in SKINS. I would religiously watch that show, so again my adolescence was touched with this one song, and I fell in love with the album and the artist as a whole. Her vibes were charming; I loved how it felt like I was in a small Studio Ghibli town walking down a cobblestone path with flowers in my hair and bread in my bag on my way to tea with my lover. I loved it.

That’s my favorite thing about music. I could transport myself into my own music video or reality, and that’s why I really like to make playlists that put me in a certain mood. When I was looking for a song to go into my Spring/summer cottagecore playlist, I came across many throwbacks. There’s a certain familiarity with pieces that bring great comfort.

The White Way of Delight stirs something in me. I love Anne with an E, and the soundtrack was breathtaking, and as soon as it was released, I purchased it. A few nights ago, I looked at Kevin while the song was playing and started tearing up. Not only am I with the man I love, but our future holds so much, and I’m so excited for it. When I imagine it, I hear this song playing.

I’ve openly discussed my hopes and dreams many times. When I graduated in May, I didn’t think finding a journalism job would be so hard because I was qualified. I had the experience, and I had the drive, but nothing. Eventually, I did feel down about this; it was hard not having things go your own way. However, I thought about this and thought that adolescent me would be pleased where I am now. So good things come at their own time, and I have to accept that. In the meantime, I make a playlist to manifest the life I want to live, and I’m just one step closer. The best thing is that I can look back on that moment and say, ‘see… you’re exactly where you wanted to be.’ I’m in an apartment with a partner who loves and cares about me. That’s literally all that matters.